I was talking to Megan the other day and said something along the lines of “I sucked at Brave this year”. Which at the time seemed absolutely true and appropriate.
When I was thinking about a word last year, I couldn’t decide between Strong and Brave. I knew that 2013 needed to be a year for a Big Decision. I needed to either be Brave enough to say “okay let’s do this”, or Strong enough to say “this isn’t right”. Both words, and really many of the choices I made last year revolved around the Big Decision. It was always with me. I was obsessed.
So looking back at that aspect of the words, yes, I failed. But Strong and Brave were with me nonetheless. They didn’t abandon me, though I hated them for a long time. I did not want to be strong or brave, and I certainly wasn’t in any position to be making a Big Decision.
But you know what? I was pretty strong and brave this year. In totally unexpected ways.
I was strong for Jason when he needed me at the beginning of the year.
My body strengthened and I lost twenty pounds.
I had brave conversations this summer with the Little Man about the future.
I had many (many many) brave conversations with Jason.
I was strong and found a new doctor who is not a dick and understands HIPA.
I finished strong on our first 5k.
This has been a very strong year for my marriage.
I was brave enough to try out for new teams, and strong enough to leave one that wasn’t for me.
My communication with my best friend is stronger than it has been in years.
I was brave and met with scary in-laws (who turned out to be not scary at all)
I was very brave twice this year and let someone cut out chunks of my eyelid.
And I’m sure there is more, but that’s off the top of my head.
So while I did fail at my original intentions for my words, I found other ways to honor them. I’m pretty happy with that. 🙂
One funny thing about having two words (well really three if you count our family word). In one recent PRT episode, Izzy was being silly and suggested that someone choose multiple hyphenated words. I totally should have done that! Strong- Brave. Or Strong and/ or Brave. And what I really ended up with was Strong-ish and Somewhat-Brave. That works 🙂
I do have a word in mind for 2014, but I want to live with it a few more days to make sure. It really could have been 2013’s word. Just like Dorothy, I had it in me all along. It was hanging out all year, taking a backseat to Strong and Brave. It is vitally important, but not nearly so scary. And whatever the Big Decision ends up being, it will play a huge role.
Cryptic enough for you? Any guesses?